Tuesday, July 26, 2011

And My Heart Grows...

I typed this on my phone the other day while we were on vacation. I intended for it to be my own little reflection, but after I shared it with Bobby, he really encouraged me to share it here. So here goes...

So today is one of those days when I wish that Ava could be forever 4, Lucas could stay a sweet 2 year old and Noah could always be my snuggly newborn!

I remember thinking when I was pregnant with Lucas, "How could I ever love another child as much as I love Ava?" And then along came Lucas and my heart grew. And now the same with Noah. Indeed my heart does not divide its love but rather I am realizing that in serving and giving to my family, it grows. God is molding my heart with less of me and more of Him and His love, which is the most pure form of love that I can give my children. I definitely still struggle with moments of selfishness (alot) when my insides just want to fight for my own time, a sit down lunch, quiet time in the morning to pray, 7 straight hours of sleep, laying out by the pool, freedom to window shop, etc. Yet as I gaze at Noah laying here in my lap, I can't ever imagine our life without him. There is no comparison. As crazy as it sounds, it makes me excited to think that we will keep reliving the joy of these moments with each new life we bring into our family- however many little souls that may be!

So no I don't get Mani/pedis as often anymore or go shopping at the mall or leave my house 'quickly' for anything at all especially now that I have one more bag to pack for the YMCA :) but I do get one more forehead to kiss goodnight and one more I love you in the morning.

I look at Noah and see this precious life that God has created in all time. All He needed was our YES. He needed our cooperation with His will for our lives. In our yes, God gave us this gift of life. It's hard for me to think, what if we had said no? What if we came up with a million reasons why we were "done" having children? 2 is enough. We're too busy. Not enough money. We are happy just as we are.

Gosh, how would we have ever known this joy that we know now!